Friday, October 15, 2010

Day 10:

Day 10:

Day 10 has no title. I'm tired. My brain is tired. My feet are tired. My heart is tired. Today has been a struggle. I'm not quite sure why, either. The only thing I can come up with is tiredness. From the physical tiredness of aerobics and work, to the mental tiredness of school and life. I am so tired. I need sleep. I need Jesus time. But I do want to share something. Its kinda freaky, kinda cool. The past 2 nights I have had terrible nightmares. Like so bad I can still remember them now. But each time I have woken myself up with my intense prayers. Last night it happened multiple times with the same prayer. But instead of me praying to get out of the terrible things in my dream, I was praying for things I need in my real life. Things that had nothing to do with my dreams. But exactly what I need. I can't really explain it, but I know God is prompting me to do something.

Anyway, I wanted to write this down more for my benefit more than anything. I need to remember this. I am somewhat uncomfortable sharing this so publicly, but I am learning to be honest with myself. I need to get out of this tiredness. I don't know how much longer my emotions can handle being strung out so far. 

But today. Fast forward to this evening. Driving home my tiredness kicked in and my emotions lost it. I broke down. Finally. This past week has been like a sneeze that I can't get out but it keeps coming back. Finally I snapped. I let my anger and frustration get to me and it overtook me. I know that this blog is titled "happy heart", but tonight my heart was sad. Yet, my heart is thankful. I think it is incredibly unrealistic for me to believe I will be happy 100% of the time. I am human. Life is good. Not always happy. So I am thankful. I am thankful for the life I have. I am thankful for the people around me. I am thankful for food and warmth and showers.I am thankful for this room I am sharing with Hannah for the last time tonight (bittersweet).  I am thankful Sarah came over and watched BABIES tonight with me. I am thankful for babies.

Life is good.

Seriously, such a good movie.
Tell me life is bad as you are looking at this baby...

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